Monday, November 18, 2002

A lot of things have been going on through my mind lately, after my boss talked to me last Friday. He will be given a concurrent assignment on top of his current function. We both know this would eventually mean his total commitment to that project, and that I would eventually be replacing him.

It would have been a welcome news for me if I've heard that news four to five years ago. I would have been ecstatic about it. Now, I'm just not.

I don't know what happened. I used to depend on my own abilities. I used to think that I can take on whatever is hurled my way. Now I'm fully aware that my success is not dependent on my own ability because my ability is not of my own. Still, there's a tremendous pressure being put upon me. It is not imposed by anyone else but by my own fear.

I'm afraid that I won't be as good as my boss. That I won't be able to give the expectations of the management. If only I could deny what is being given to me. But I'm not someone who backs out of a challenge. I am afraid but I don't want to be called a coward. I fear that the time is not yet ripe for me. But time is not my own.

What shall I do then but wait?

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