Leap Year

This year is a leap year. Which means that the month of February will have an extra day on the 29th.
Generally, a leap year occurs in a year evenly divisible by 4, example is in 2008 and this year, 2012.  But there is an exception for this rule.  An exception is if the year is evenly divisible by 100, unless it is evenly divisible by 400. So the years 2100, 2200 and 2300 are not leap years but the year 2400 is a leap year.

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leap_year

X Marks the Spot

Last week, I read from a local newspaper about this news, and so I checked from the internet.  I found a link on BBC’s website with the title New Australian passports allow third gender option.

 

The first two paragraphs of the news reads:

Australians have been given a third choice when describing their gender on passport applications, under new guidelines aimed at removing discrimination.

 

Transgender people and those of ambiguous sex will be able to list their gender as indeterminate, which will be shown on passports as an X.

 

In some websites related to this news, there was a comment praising Australia for this move and describing it as a “developed country.”  This move is highly probable to become a trend in the future, but I believe that this is definitely not a mark of progress.  Instead, it is a regress in terms of the way people think.  Just because they can’t identify the gender of a person by the way they look, then they create a third sex tag.

 

If its aim was to prevent discrimination, I think this will pave the way for a more identified discrimination towards homosexuals instead.  They may now be branded as an outsider of the Male or Female gender, just as their passport is marked as X.

 

I wonder what next people will think.  Will there be a move to have a different Comfort Room for X genders? Will they mark people with the color of their skin next time?

 

Reopening old wounds

A scar, once reopened is even more hurtful than when it was a fresh wound.  That is what happens when a trauma is repeated.

Did you ever wonder why whenever we would go home to Abra, we would not even dare enter your house?
If you should know your family history, I was in my grade years in elementary when your father, our dear old Uncle, Nesing, who along with some of his brothers, threatened our family, your relatives out of our house, the one the you are living in right now.  I was still not in my teens at that time, and you are even older than i am, yet you already forget?  It's either you have a case of selected amnesia, or is so calloused by your greed that you don't even remember anymore.

What rights were not trampled? Isn't humiliating someone not trampling one's right? And you do it for what? For a measly parcel of a square foot of room? You must be happy now.  But do remember what was written, "what profits a man if he gains the whole world yet loses his own soul?"


Since you speak of rights, i have to assure you not to worry.  We have no desire of claiming what was rightfully ours.  If not for some dear family in Bangued, we won't even (not in our dreams) set foot in that place anymore.  Seeing you, our own blood, only relieve bad memories.  Somehow, we have already manage to forget that incident, and many more.  Yet with what was done to our cousin, your cousin too, you are repeating history all over again.  And that bad memory seem to turn again into nightmare.  If we have had the chance to go there at once and defend our relative, also your cousin, we would have.  But distance and time prevented us.  My sister can only console her cousin, and unfortunately she opened an already healed wound and made us remember.

I wonder what joy you find in accumulating everything for yourself and in exchange pushing away your kin?  It was always in Bangued, from my so-called relatives that i always heard the phrase "blood is thicker than water."  But sadly, it's just semantics, a mere lip-service.  Why do you push people away?  Do you think that you will be loved the more if you show yourself as an agressor?

Do you realize that when Uncle Choi got sick, it was not difficult for us to take him in our home and somehow take care of him.  But why is it that when his brother got sick that no one even bothered to ask how he is doing?  It is because Uncle Choi showed love towards his nephews and nieces whereas his brother only showed intimidation and agression.  Where Uncle Choi received loved, his brother sowed fear.  Yes, people fear Uncle Nesing.  But love?  You have to ask people around and ask yourself why.  Would you rather have people fear you than love you?

Another thing i can't seem to understand is that you proud yourself for the intelligence of your children and yet at the same time still live in ignorance.  Do you still believe in sorcery?  That is "kulam" in Tagalog and "gamod" in our local dialect else you still look for the meaning of the word.  How can you profess intelligence and yet still believe in myths and legends that you were cursed by your cousin?  There is a specialist called doctor and a process called consultation.

I hope you reflect on these things.

Farewell Uncle Choi

This morning is the funeral of my uncle, Zoilo Bañez, or Uncle Choi to those dear to him.  I would have wanted to be there during the funeral but i am unable to go home.  I was there during the wake though.  I’m also glad that we went home to our hometown in Abra to visit him, three weeks ago before his death.

Violence seems to haunt Abra.  My family is a direct witness, if not a victim, of this. When i was ten, my father was shot by a gunman from outside the window of a store.  He survived the shot but suffered a stroke, and died two years after he was shot.  Two years ago, just days after Christmas, one of my uncle was shot in the middle of the day.  Years before that, my cousin was shot by gunmen in a motorcycle while he was waiting for a ride outside their home.

I think Uncle Choi died the most "honorable" way, if i may say, among his kin just because he did not die under the bullet.  Late November or early December of last year, he found out that he had cancer.  But my memory of him is that of someone not in pain, but in genteel acceptance.  While he was undergoing series of chemotherapies and radiations, i never heard him complain nor curse, nor exhibit anger about what happened to him.  Neither did i see him wreathe in pain nor wallow in his agony.  He would only sit by the sofa, quietly massaging his arm.  Or he would be reading books or answering crossword puzzles.  But he was never in despair.

Whenever we would be visiting him at the hospital, he was the one entertaining us with his stories as if he was not the patient.  He would tell us such theories as when is the best time to gather honey because this kind of flowers from this or that part of Abra is in bloom at that time of the month.  He is also very passionate when he would be telling stories about raising fighting cocks.  I am amazed at the way he would be divulging his  techniques about crossing different breeds, of what dominant feature each breed has, or of how he is able to tell which one would turn out to be a great fighter just by observing them.  He was so passionate about it that he was making a joke that he would ask his doctor if he could raise a rooster outside the window of the room where he is confined.  Listening to him tell stories seems like listening to a teacher making science real to his students.

When we went home to visit him early this October, he was already speaking in whisper and barely audible.  But what I vividly remember is how he firmly grasped my hand and told me with all apologies how he would be unable to attend my wedding this December.  I told him that there would still be enough time for him to recover.  He would have been my Godfather or “Ninong” for my wedding in December.

But he will no longer be present for my wedding.  And i will never hear his stories anymore.  I still remember the stories, but i would no longer hear it the way Uncle Choi told them.

a fish out of water

In a democracy, citizens have the right to choose their leaders by means of voting.  One downside in a democracy is that leaders are chosen by the majority, inevitably because of popularity.  That is why we had Estrada for a president.  A corporation is not run like a democracy.  Employees cannot choose their leaders.  And this should not be so.  Corporate leaders are not chosen because they are popular.  They are not chosen by the majority.  They are chosen because of their merits, skills and talents.  So i am often amazed when corporate leaders start playing politics.  I wonder why there is still the need to play politics when they have the skills and talents suited for their position?  This play is observable when you look at the symptoms.  You see it when people get into huddle and discuss items in a very hush manner like it is the crucial minutes of a basketball game, discloses it to almost everyone, getting buy-in from almost anyone but getting suggestions from just a few, saying one thing to one and another thing to the other, changing decisions as quick and as often as necessary, giving it the name "proactive" while advocating the mantra "open to change", encouraging people to participate, creating an image of "i am listening" and acting the attitude of "i don't care".

Office politics is a different kind of beast.  It is more difficult to understand office politics than to observe office policies.  It is tricky to entangle because once you involve yourself in it, you may end up trapped in its complexities.  And you may end up saying "my hands are tied", to borrow a common phrase by my boss.

Employers should not wonder when there is a high attrition rate. They should not expect loyalty from their employees if loyalty is not given much value by them. Where companies require only the best from its employees, those who get the best from outside means two things. Either they were not able to train within, or they fear to risk what they have at hand. But it is difficult to have the best of both worlds, that of having low attrition and getting the best from outside. If you drag a bait in the lake, by chance you may get the rarest of rare among the fish. But don't forget to nurture your pond.

Is our company playing this kind of game?  i hope not.  This is not something easy to prove.  For someone to say that he is definitely sure of it happening, he needs to to have enough, concrete and explicit examples to prove.  i don't have, so i won't.  At least not in this blog lest i be accused of nitpicking.  Or else, i may end up eating my words, or being dismissed by what i write.

Lastly, i read from Philippians 2:14 to "do everything without complaining or arguing." I am just writing my observations, but if i appear to be griping or complaining, i hope to be told about it.  In fact i am much thankful to God about a lot of things.  When i see the crowd of applicants lining up in hours, waiting for their turn to be called for interview, i thank God for giving me work, for having a challenging job, and best of all, having the dearest of staff i have ever worked with, patiently riding along with my idiosyncracies.  However, this doesn't guarantee that i will stay long.  I currently love my job, not necessarily the company, but more so the people i'm supervising, and some of the employees i interact with.  But when God nudges me to go, consider me a fish out of water.

My brain was spliced this morning

Prior to my scheduled CT scan, a lot of ideas swelled my mind. I just hoped that it is merely ideas that are swelling my mind and not anything else swelling into my brain.

I was advised to undergo a CT scan because I complained of continuous headache, a headache that would not dissipate for days. Even if I slept for long hours, I would still wake up with the same intensity of pain in my eyes, brows and head. The doctor diagnosed it could have been just an ordinary migraine. I later found out that there is a kind of migraine which is accompanied or preceded by aura. They call it migraine with aura. When I asked the doctor what it means, she said that some people experience seeing flashing lights before a migraine occurs. I never saw any flashes though. I wish I had that aura so that I would know when the pain would attack before it does.

Alvi, the laboratory technician kept on flicking the back of my left hand, searching for veins to which she will inject the dye needed for the scan. The dye (or contrast) is needed to highlight certain parts of the image. I read that the contrast could be ingested by drinking, injected through a vein, inserted through the rectum or inhaled in a gas form. Mine would be injected through a vein.

And so, going back to my left hand, Alvi kept on rubbing the alcohol-soaked cottons but is still having difficulty making the veins appear. Not being able to make the vein obey her desire, she then turns to strap a rubber in my right arm and flicks the back of my right hand. She rubs an alcohol-soaked cotton on my hand. Not working. Throws the cotton and picks a new one. She rubs. This time she rubs harder. I wonder if I either have a thick layered epidermis or I just have thin veins. How I wish I could do anything to help Alvi in searching for those stubborn veins. If I only have the power to command them to come out, and if only they have the ability to listen to me. Finally, she found a good one, and when she did, I think the anticipation made me too excited that my blood pressure soared. They had to reschedule the scan until they had a good reading of my blood pressure.

I am amazed at the ever improving technology. I am fascinated by the syringe that Alvi used. After she injected the needle and placed bandage over the skin and the tip of syringe, she slowly pulled it away, pulling the needle and leaving a very thin rubbery or plastic-like tube inserted inside my skin. The needle is gone and I don’t have to worry of having any metal instrument break inside my body. But although very important in its function, its ingenuity is just small compared to the massive structure that was about to scan my brain. The CT scan, or CAT scan (Computed Axial Tomography) is a huge apparatus that takes cross-sectional pictures of the body. Imagine having thinly sliced portions of your body photographed or x-rayed. I also read that scanners have weight limit of about 300 pounds because too much weight can damage the scanner. I think I still have a long way too reach that limit. And so I have to remind myself to eat more fruits and vegetables and exercise, exercise, exercise.

This process made me realize three things.

While I lay in the machine table, Alvi asked if I am relaxed. I said yes. First, I realized that by undergoing a procedure that I do not know anything of makes me research, read and ask a lot. So I asked her a question which I think is valid. “Do I need to smile?” She smiled back and said “just close your eyes.” And so I did close my eyes. I wanted to see what was happening though but I fear the rays may damage my eyes if I open them.  I wonder how my brain would look?

As I lay in the table and feel the machine moving inch by inch, I was reminded of one friend telling me that she hopes everything will turn out well and that nothing will be found. I wanted to let her know that I disagree but I did not. Second, I realized that there is sometimes that dread or fear to find out something is wrong in our body. Deep within, I am hoping that something will be found. That is why I agreed to be scanned in the first place. I want to find out what is the culprit that is causing the pain in my head, eyes and brows. I want to know its name and find out how it can be flushed out. I want to know what it looks like and what area of my body it has already occupied.

Third, I realized that when I am put in a place or position where I neither have any control nor knowledge of the outcome, I become more prayerful. I know that this should not be a good motivator to pray but sometimes sickness, fear, worry and pain can become a means to seek God. In his book “The Problem of Pain”, C. S. Lewis said that “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” Ephesians 5:17-18 says that we should pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for us in Christ Jesus.

If you don't write it, it won't happen

There are times when we need to pause and to reflect on our lives, our accomplishments, failures, joys and pains.  I think celebrating birthdays do just that.  And so does new years.  While new years make us think of resolutions, birthdays do more than that.

Today makes me think of blessings.  These are things i acknowledge God has done in my life, in which i know fully well that some of them i don't deserve.  i am blessed with a family that loves and supports the good decisions i make.  i am blessed with a relationship with my girlfriend, and i am excited to move on to a level of relationship with her that involves commitment, for a lifetime.  i am blessed with good friends and acquaintances.  Friends i consider a treasure and so i am sometimes selective of association.

It also makes me think of failures.  These are results of things i have done and decisions i have made, some not necessarily wrong while some not necessarily right either (This does not mean that i don't believe in absolute right and wrong, i do).  Some of this decisions and actions, the result i know i deserve.  But some i firmly believe i don't.  But these are things i know i don't have full control of, and so i consider them lessons to learn and improve on.

What i realized is that i lack vision.  i lack the ability to visuarlize what i want to achieve in the future.  I generally know what i want in life, like a comfortable life, a good family, my own domain.  But i lack vision in the specifics.  What specifically are my goals?  Someone who has a lofty position (incidentally, lofty means that you are prone to fall, eventually) in our organization told me that i should write what i want.  That if i "don't write it, it won't happen."  That statement was a rude awakening for me.  Suddenly, with a single statement (of course coupled with subsequent events that may have magnified it), my whole view of an organization changed.  i usually hear people talk of paradigm shift.  That was a one hundred eighty degree (by the way, a three hundred sixty degree turn leads you to the same direction you were originally facing) shift in my paradigm.

All of a sudden, i realized i am living in a Jurassic period while the herd i am in is quickly moving towards the age of technology, devoid of the human psyche.  And i cannot follow in the same pace.  Whatever happened to values like hardwork, work ethics, perseverance?  "If you don't write it, it won't happen."  I can only exclaim "Wow!!!"  It is as if i am drowsed with a bucket of ice cold water.  I felt numb.  All the years come to nothing because i didn't put into words the things i wanted.  That was specifically my dilemna.  i believe i am quite verbose, but i didn't know what i wanted specifically, so i cannot even draw them out of ink to paper.

What i know is this, that i should no lonber be where i am right now.  I think it is time to move on.  i am again at a crossroads in my life (or that should be in my career, to be more specific). This time i should know what or where i want to be.  And i should put it in writing!

Control your anger, or it controls you

"You are moody."  I was told.

I'm not moody.  I think moody is someone that changes or have unpredictable moods.  And my mood is consistently low.

I think it may have been recklessly uttered because I am often mistaken to be angry.  I am not at all angry.  I just happened to have been born with a very somber facade.  In short, a serious expression.  And I have to admit that I rarely smile.  I read that it takes fewer muscles to smile than it is to frown.  I guess I burn more calories than most people who are lazy enough not to develop their frowning muscles.  However, the number of muscles it takes to frown or smile is still unverified even at this age.  Besides, someone else's smile may be another one's smirk or another one's grin.  The Joker from Batman, and the Grinch from Dr. Seuss' book both have grin from ear to ear.  Yet I am not so comfortable by their supposed smile.  Something suggests that I should neither trust any of them.  It is quite alarming.

The ancient philosopher Seneca said " Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it."  So it's better to control anger.  But how to?  That is the question.

If we can't control our anger, can I suggest the following techniques?  Yes, I think there's an effective way to control anger.  I just have not proven its effectiveness yet.  I think that the best thing to do is to schedule your anger.  Read that as the Brits would pronounce it, "shed-yool."  It's much more classy the way the Brits say it than the Americans do.  You may make it a habit to get angry every nine-o-clock in the morning.  Scheduling (again, "shed-yooling") your anger makes you more consistent and predictable.  People will know when or when not to approach you.  This may also be an effective technique if you have a lot of things to finish and don't want to be disturbed, then feign anger.  Even if you woke happy and had a good dream the night before, make it appear that you are angry.  People will hesitate to approach you.  I think nine-o-clock in the morning may be the best time to schedule it.  Right after you finished drinking coffee and others who are late would still be tinkering with their computer, or reading the emails that were sent the previous day.  Being angry late in the day is quite exhausting.  Besides, you don't want to be exhausted and angry going home, seated on a bus besides angry and exhausted people who may just be looking for a reason to unleash their energy.  Being angry and exhausted at noon is a bad combination.

To make this effective, I suggest you keep a daily log, or a journal if you must.  Learning is the key and consistency it's brother.

There is also another variation for this technique.  You may opt to direct your anger towards only one person.  This is useful if you want to get along with everyone else.  Blaming someone else is the method commonly followed by psychologist.  This method known as Pyschological projection was first developed by Sigmund Freud.  It is the act of denial of one's own attribute, thoughts and emotions, and ascribe it to something external such as weather, government or even other people.  It is also popularly known as Freudian projection because psychologists who followed Freud's theory eventually realized there are some shortcomings for this theory, and so blamed Freud for it.  It is also a practice to direct one's anger towards inanimate objects.  But in our case, let's try to do it towards the animate, meaning live person.  It is much more fun this way because you can observe how that object of your experiment would react.

Be careful however that if you direct your anger towards one person who does not know how to implements the techniques I have mentioned, he may not be able to control his anger like you do, and so react in a manner you may not expect.  This is of course expected.  But you may share this technique to him and hope that he will be enlightened to control his anger.  Just like you do.

Now, I have to caution you though that it takes much effort to do it.  I admit there are instances that I forget to be angry and not be consistent about it.  Yes, it takes effort.  But with the right attitude and perspective, it can be done.

An anecdote on prayer

I find this anecdote amusing, and interesting.  I read it from the book The Grand Weaver, by Ravi Zacharias, on a topic on prayer.

In our understanding of prayer, I fear we take one finger of it and think we have the whole fist.  Years ago, I heard a story about the well-known Indian Christian mystic Bakht Singh.  As he and his associate walked many miles to a conference where he was to speak, a Hindu stopped Bakht Singh and challenged him.  "We are in a drought, and you say that God answers prayer.  If your God really exists, why don't you ask him right now to send us rain?"  Bakht Singh is said to have responded, "If I pray for rain and God answers, will you become a follower or Jesus?"  The man took on the dare and said that he would.  As Bakht Singh was about to kneel down in the dust, his assistant placed his hand on his shoulder and said, "Do you really think you should be praying now, when we still have miles to walk and didn't bring our umbrellas with us?  Why don't you wait until we reach our destination?

Read the book by Ravi Zacharias, The Grand Weaver: How God Shapes Us through the Events in Our Lives

Learn more about Ravi Zacharias and his ministries at http://www.rzim.org/

If one wishes to be a steward in God's house, he must first be prepared to serve as a scullion in the kitchen

Do not think of waiting until you can do some great thing for God; do little things, and then the Master will bid you go higher. Eleven years ago, I was a addressing Sunday-school children, and these alone. Ten,-nine years ago, I was preaching in little insignificant rooms here and there, generally going out and coming back on foot, and occasionally getting a lift in a cart. It has often happened that, when I have been going out to certain villages, the brooks would be so swollen that they could not be crossed in the usual way, so I would pull off my shoes and stockings, wade through up to my knees, then try to make myself tidy again as I best could, and go on to the little chapel to preach, and return home in the same way. Now, I am perfectly sure that, if I had not been willing to preach to those small gatherings of people in obscure country places, I should never have had the privilege of preaching to thousands of men and women in large buildings all over the land. If one wishes to be a steward in God's house, he must first be prepared to serve as a scullion in the kitchen, and be content to wash out the pots and clean the boots. Remember our Lord's rule, "Whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted."'

This is a thought provoking quote from Charles H. Spurgeon, a 19th century evangelist prominent for his lectures and sermons.  These are some things i gather from reading the quote:
1. Do not wait for opportunities to do great things for God.
2. Big opportunities begin from even the most menial tasks.
3. Be humble.
4.  God exalts those who humble themselves.
5.  It is God who exalts, not us.

Eggplant has nicotine, there is water on the moon and googol is a very large number

Just some random and trivial items I discovered.
Eggplant belongs to the same family as that of tomato and potato. It is botanically classified as a berry.  It is a distant relative of tobacco and contains insignificant amount of nicotine that it would take 9 kilos of eggplant to equal the nicotine content of a standard sized cigarette.  This seems a good excuse for me for not eating eggplants.
Very recently, on November 13 2009, NASA announced the discovery of water on the moon.  NASA Spacecraft LCROSS (Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite) discovered beds of water ice when it impacted the moon on October 9, 2009.  According to NASA LCROSS Project Site, “The Mission Objectives of LCROSS include confirming the presence or absence of water ice in a permanently shadowed crater at the Moon’s South Pole.”  It also mentioned that “the identification of water is very important to the future of human activities on the Moon.”   I suppose there is a hope that in the very near future, astronauts will be able to take a good shower in the moon.
The name "Google" originated from a misspelling of "googol," which refers to the number represented by a 1 followed by one-hundred zeros.  In mathematical terms, one googol can either be represented either as 10¹⁰⁰ or 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.
Due to its popularity, the company name Google became widely used as a verb that it was officially added to both the Merriam Webster Collegiate Dictionary and Oxford English Dictionary.  Merriam-Webster Online defines Google as “to use the Google search engine to obtain information about (as a person) on the World Wide Web.”  Of course, I was able to get this information by googling it.

 

Monday blues

What is it with Mondays that it always seems difficult to wake up early?  Time seems to slow and I can’t wait to get out of work.  The chocolate in my cup is cold and almost half empty. Or half full if one wants to imply a positive outlook by means of measuring the liquid contents of a glass, or cup for this matter.  I need another cup.

 

The task I’m doing at the moment seems to be taking time.  I have done this before, the same day and time as last week.  But it seems that the more I do the same activity, the more it becomes boring.  Perhaps I should be drinking coffee instead.

 

 

an undivided heart

"Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in Your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear Your name." Psalm 86:11

When Mariane sent me this verse throught a text message, it struck me. I realized that i should offer to God an undivided heart.

When i reflect on how the Lord has blessed us individually, i am reminded that it is only proper for us to give to Him a totally, undivided heart. To do so would be to put God first in everything, first in our thoughts, and in all things we do, bearing in mind His love, goodness, mercy and grace. I should not even attempt to compete with God's love for her. Even the idea itself is unthinkable. God wants our undivided attention.

Because we know "... that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28

"...for in Him we live, and move and have our being." - Acts 17:28

I remember what i wrote, quite a long time ago, that "God does require so much."

"I will not offer burnt offerings to the LORD my God which cost me nothing" - 2 Samuel 24:24

God is good all the time

Whenever i hear people in church say “God is good,” i hear a common response “all the time.” I believe it was influenced by one of Don Moen’s popular song. I get to hear it often. And almost always, when a response is said automatically without thought or hesitation, it somehow losses its meaning. When we say “God is good all the time” do we really believe it? Or do we just say it lackadaisically out of a whim? What does good really mean? And what does the phrase “God is good” mean?

The term good in itself is a very ambiguous one. Dictionaries offer different and wide definition of the term good from being morally excellent or virtuous, to having admirable, pleasing or superior qualities. Good, given in this context would be an adjective describing someone, in this case, God. Good in this instance would refer to God’s character.

Most often, i associate the goodness of God based on how much material things i have or how happy i am at that time. I know it’s not the right attitude but there is a natural tendency to thank God more when good things come. I admit that recent events in my life make me aware of how good He is towards me. I feel blessed and it makes me humble. In response, i am grateful to know that He granted me something i have desired even though i knew i deserved less. But in all these things, i do believe that the goodness of God doesn’t change. God is good even if things around us seem to dispel that fact.

If “God is good all the time, ” would it still hold true when sickness or trouble come my way? I dread for that event and i would pray that it would not come to pass. But even so, yes, i would still declare that God is good. He has many promises to us that are overwhelming, that if we only take time to read and understand, would surely amaze us. One of the most quoted is His promise in the book of Jeremiah which reads

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

I believe that more than the “prosperity” promise, one that we should be thankful the most is His promise of “listening” to us and allowing us to “find” Him when we seek Him with all of our heart.

If we have a measure or test of goodness, God would be the standard. Everything else that doesn’t meet His standard would fail. In fact, because God is a Holy God and we have a sinful nature, we already failed to meet God’s standard. The apostle Paul mentioned in Romans that all of us have sinned and fell short of God’s glory.

But the goodness of God is still evident in that He is even the one who gave us a rescue plan. If the US government today would pay billions of dollars as a bailout plan for its failing economy, it fails in comparison to the rescue plan God has provided through the death of Jesus Christ, His Son. In this, I will forever be grateful!

The goodness of God surpasses time. It doesn’t change even if our society’s standard does change. The world would still need Jesus even if society says otherwise. God would still be God, and God would still be good, all the time, no matter what.

Guarding her heart

It has been more than eight months since I first asked Mariane if she would consider praying for the possibility of having a relationship with her. We have been acquaintances for almost two years before that, in a small group in our church. We were never really close but we were occasionally exchanging emails and sending text messages. She said she would consider.

And between those months, we never so much went out together. We have agreed to get to know each other better by going out on group dates.

She mentioned about the principle of “guarding her heart.” That is why she never even allowed me to accompany her home. It was a good thing that I understood the principle. For me, it meant that I would have to respect a lot of things about her. I would have to respect her time which meant I would have to be conscious about limiting my calls during office hours, or sometimes not calling at all. I would have to respect her emotion that is why I never even told her how I felt for her. If we wanted to get to know each other better, we had to avoid developing too much emotional attachment. It would not be fair for both of us if during the “getting to know” stage, we end up realizing we are not meant for each other and yet have already developed emotional bond with each other. That would be very tragic.

A lot of my friends and officemates can’t understand the concept. I was not easy and there were a lot of times I desired to have spent more time with her. But I believe it worked well for me because my life never revolved around her. And I believe it worked well for her too. We both had our individual life, focused on serving God through church ministry, secular work and even our family, while getting to know each other.

Some of my friends were even mocking me because our courtship, if it may be called courtship, is not the traditional way. I didn’t mind the ridicule at all. It mattered less for me that friends would understand. What mattered most was that she understood my intention. When I asked her to pray for it, I never asked for her response afterwards. When she said she would consider praying for it, I trusted her enough to tell me her response, and God’s answer, at the right time, whatever her answer would be.

But some friends understood. And I am very much thankful for their counsel and their prayers. More than ever, I believe in the power of God revealed through prayer.

It has been more than two weeks since she said “yes.” During those two weeks, I have witnessed that it was God who orchestrated events in our (me and Marian’s) lives. I felt humbled, amazed, awed and grateful. I felt all these things because I knew I never deserved her love, and I never deserved His grace. I realized I am blessed beyond I can imagine, and for that I am very much thankful to God!

Today, we are still getting to know each other better. Each day, we are becoming the best of friends. We have agreed to put God in the center of our relationship. Another principle we have agreed is in limiting our physical contact. It means I can hold her hand, and occasionally put an arm over her shoulder, but nothing beyond that. No kiss. Not even a goodbye kiss. Not even on the cheeks. And so looking back, I realize more and more that it is my heart she has been guarding, and not the opposite. And because of that, I admire her even more.

In being a friend to her, I recall something I wrote before:

For friendship to develop, the virtue of patience must be at play. Friendship can never be rushed, nor can it run roughshod through course of time. It should take its time in season, like a seed unable to do anything but just wait for its time to bloom.

And in putting God at the center of our relationship, I will quote again a concept God impressed to me more than five years ago:

If I, fully human, am capable of loving a person with so much intensity, how much more intense could the love of God be for me? Then, it is not also right that I love God more intensely than I love that person?