Saturday, January 05, 2008

I am praying for someone.

I am torn between revealing my intentions right away and developing our friendship. You see, I have no problem with revealing what my feelings are. I have always been vocal and candid with how I feel and I believe I am eloquent enough to expound emotions in words. I always thought that clear communications, which I believe involves sincerity, is the key towards gaining trust. So, I think that for friendship to evolve, and trust to be gained, intentions should be revealed. Yet at the same time, I fear that she would shun me should I expose my intentions. Or that we both would not know how to react and move on in different directions. But for friendship to develop, the virtue of patience must be at play. Friendship can never be rushed, nor can it run roughshod through course of time. It should take its time in season, like a seed unable to do anything but just wait for its time to bloom.

I admit impatience, but I also desire to pursue someone at the cost of waiting. I hope and pray that she enjoys my gift of friendship also. But more than that, it is my prayer that that friendship will turn out to be something even more beautiful, with the help of God. After all, wine doesn’t ferment overnight.

God, If only the future is like a distance away that could be viewed in a spyglass, and you would allow us to glance for even just a small amount of time. What are your plans?

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

We look forward to the coming of another year. We make resolutions and promises that we hope to keep. I just wonder sometimes. What difference does it make to have a resolution for the coming year? What I mean to ask is why do we have to wait for another year to change whatever things we have to change in our lives? Why wait if it is necessary? Or is one year a good period to change? Perhaps because another number is added to a year, which makes it much easier to remember. Should we not we change whenever necessity demands for it? But then again, we don’t make a self analysis that often. So it must be that one in three hundred sixty five days is good to set aside for self analysis.

I myself don’t make that much personal analysis in my life. Not that I don’t have to. I think I do. And when I think of the things I necessary have to change, there is much to be done. But of course, it is much easier said than done. It is always my principle that in order to change something, another thing must take its place. It will be difficult to change something we have been habitually doing if we just refuse to do it. Something different but of greater value must be done, and it must become a habit to replace an old habit. And it is something we must do continually.

I think what I do need to change is the way I interact with people. I noticed that I have not been too concerned about other people as I think I should. In fact, I sometimes have an “I couldn’t care less” attitude. Sounds snotty? Yes sometimes, I admit. But what I thought was that for as long as I am not harming anyone, it isn’t important that I have to be involved with their lives. On my own, I have a lot of concerns, so why do I have to bother with other concerns? Even with friends, I have a limited circle, which makes it more convenient to “manage”. Yet even with a limited circle, I have not spent much time with them either. Not as much I think I should have. This makes me admire people who keep a lot of friends, and acquaintances, and manage to make time and effort to know how each and everyone of their friends are doing. It takes too much effort to do that, and it will drain one physically and emotionally. But to some, rather than being drained, it seems as if it is their secret on what keeps them going and moving on.

The next question for me is how would I do it? Next step after analysis: action plan.