Sunday, April 17, 2011

Reopening old wounds

A scar, once reopened is even more hurtful than when it was a fresh wound.  That is what happens when a trauma is repeated.

Did you ever wonder why whenever we would go home to Abra, we would not even dare enter your house?
If you should know your family history, I was in my grade years in elementary when your father, our dear old Uncle, Nesing, who along with some of his brothers, threatened our family, your relatives out of our house, the one the you are living in right now.  I was still not in my teens at that time, and you are even older than i am, yet you already forget?  It's either you have a case of selected amnesia, or is so calloused by your greed that you don't even remember anymore.

What rights were not trampled? Isn't humiliating someone not trampling one's right? And you do it for what? For a measly parcel of a square foot of room? You must be happy now.  But do remember what was written, "what profits a man if he gains the whole world yet loses his own soul?"

Since you speak of rights, i have to assure you not to worry.  We have no desire of claiming what was rightfully ours.  If not for some dear family in Bangued, we won't even (not in our dreams) set foot in that place anymore.  Seeing you, our own blood, only relieve bad memories.  Somehow, we have already manage to forget that incident, and many more.  Yet with what was done to our cousin, your cousin too, you are repeating history all over again.  And that bad memory seem to turn again into nightmare.  If we have had the chance to go there at once and defend our relative, also your cousin, we would have.  But distance and time prevented us.  My sister can only console her cousin, and unfortunately she opened an already healed wound and made us remember.

I wonder what joy you find in accumulating everything for yourself and in exchange pushing away your kin?  It was always in Bangued, from my so-called relatives that i always heard the phrase "blood is thicker than water."  But sadly, it's just semantics, a mere lip-service.  Why do you push people away?  Do you think that you will be loved the more if you show yourself as an agressor?

Do you realize that when Uncle Choi got sick, it was not difficult for us to take him in our home and somehow take care of him.  But why is it that when his brother got sick that no one even bothered to ask how he is doing?  It is because Uncle Choi showed love towards his nephews and nieces whereas his brother only showed intimidation and agression.  Where Uncle Choi received loved, his brother sowed fear.  Yes, people fear Uncle Nesing.  But love?  You have to ask people around and ask yourself why.  Would you rather have people fear you than love you?

Another thing i can't seem to understand is that you proud yourself for the intelligence of your children and yet at the same time still live in ignorance.  Do you still believe in sorcery?  That is "kulam" in Tagalog and "gamod" in our local dialect else you still look for the meaning of the word.  How can you profess intelligence and yet still believe in myths and legends that you were cursed by your cousin?  There is a specialist called doctor and a process called consultation.

I hope you reflect on these things.