an undivided heart

"Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in Your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear Your name." Psalm 86:11

When Mariane sent me this verse throught a text message, it struck me. I realized that i should offer to God an undivided heart.

When i reflect on how the Lord has blessed us individually, i am reminded that it is only proper for us to give to Him a totally, undivided heart. To do so would be to put God first in everything, first in our thoughts, and in all things we do, bearing in mind His love, goodness, mercy and grace. I should not even attempt to compete with God's love for her. Even the idea itself is unthinkable. God wants our undivided attention.

Because we know "... that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28

"...for in Him we live, and move and have our being." - Acts 17:28

I remember what i wrote, quite a long time ago, that "God does require so much."

"I will not offer burnt offerings to the LORD my God which cost me nothing" - 2 Samuel 24:24

God is good all the time

Whenever i hear people in church say “God is good,” i hear a common response “all the time.” I believe it was influenced by one of Don Moen’s popular song. I get to hear it often. And almost always, when a response is said automatically without thought or hesitation, it somehow losses its meaning. When we say “God is good all the time” do we really believe it? Or do we just say it lackadaisically out of a whim? What does good really mean? And what does the phrase “God is good” mean?

The term good in itself is a very ambiguous one. Dictionaries offer different and wide definition of the term good from being morally excellent or virtuous, to having admirable, pleasing or superior qualities. Good, given in this context would be an adjective describing someone, in this case, God. Good in this instance would refer to God’s character.

Most often, i associate the goodness of God based on how much material things i have or how happy i am at that time. I know it’s not the right attitude but there is a natural tendency to thank God more when good things come. I admit that recent events in my life make me aware of how good He is towards me. I feel blessed and it makes me humble. In response, i am grateful to know that He granted me something i have desired even though i knew i deserved less. But in all these things, i do believe that the goodness of God doesn’t change. God is good even if things around us seem to dispel that fact.

If “God is good all the time, ” would it still hold true when sickness or trouble come my way? I dread for that event and i would pray that it would not come to pass. But even so, yes, i would still declare that God is good. He has many promises to us that are overwhelming, that if we only take time to read and understand, would surely amaze us. One of the most quoted is His promise in the book of Jeremiah which reads

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

I believe that more than the “prosperity” promise, one that we should be thankful the most is His promise of “listening” to us and allowing us to “find” Him when we seek Him with all of our heart.

If we have a measure or test of goodness, God would be the standard. Everything else that doesn’t meet His standard would fail. In fact, because God is a Holy God and we have a sinful nature, we already failed to meet God’s standard. The apostle Paul mentioned in Romans that all of us have sinned and fell short of God’s glory.

But the goodness of God is still evident in that He is even the one who gave us a rescue plan. If the US government today would pay billions of dollars as a bailout plan for its failing economy, it fails in comparison to the rescue plan God has provided through the death of Jesus Christ, His Son. In this, I will forever be grateful!

The goodness of God surpasses time. It doesn’t change even if our society’s standard does change. The world would still need Jesus even if society says otherwise. God would still be God, and God would still be good, all the time, no matter what.

Guarding her heart

It has been more than eight months since I first asked Mariane if she would consider praying for the possibility of having a relationship with her. We have been acquaintances for almost two years before that, in a small group in our church. We were never really close but we were occasionally exchanging emails and sending text messages. She said she would consider.

And between those months, we never so much went out together. We have agreed to get to know each other better by going out on group dates.

She mentioned about the principle of “guarding her heart.” That is why she never even allowed me to accompany her home. It was a good thing that I understood the principle. For me, it meant that I would have to respect a lot of things about her. I would have to respect her time which meant I would have to be conscious about limiting my calls during office hours, or sometimes not calling at all. I would have to respect her emotion that is why I never even told her how I felt for her. If we wanted to get to know each other better, we had to avoid developing too much emotional attachment. It would not be fair for both of us if during the “getting to know” stage, we end up realizing we are not meant for each other and yet have already developed emotional bond with each other. That would be very tragic.

A lot of my friends and officemates can’t understand the concept. I was not easy and there were a lot of times I desired to have spent more time with her. But I believe it worked well for me because my life never revolved around her. And I believe it worked well for her too. We both had our individual life, focused on serving God through church ministry, secular work and even our family, while getting to know each other.

Some of my friends were even mocking me because our courtship, if it may be called courtship, is not the traditional way. I didn’t mind the ridicule at all. It mattered less for me that friends would understand. What mattered most was that she understood my intention. When I asked her to pray for it, I never asked for her response afterwards. When she said she would consider praying for it, I trusted her enough to tell me her response, and God’s answer, at the right time, whatever her answer would be.

But some friends understood. And I am very much thankful for their counsel and their prayers. More than ever, I believe in the power of God revealed through prayer.

It has been more than two weeks since she said “yes.” During those two weeks, I have witnessed that it was God who orchestrated events in our (me and Marian’s) lives. I felt humbled, amazed, awed and grateful. I felt all these things because I knew I never deserved her love, and I never deserved His grace. I realized I am blessed beyond I can imagine, and for that I am very much thankful to God!

Today, we are still getting to know each other better. Each day, we are becoming the best of friends. We have agreed to put God in the center of our relationship. Another principle we have agreed is in limiting our physical contact. It means I can hold her hand, and occasionally put an arm over her shoulder, but nothing beyond that. No kiss. Not even a goodbye kiss. Not even on the cheeks. And so looking back, I realize more and more that it is my heart she has been guarding, and not the opposite. And because of that, I admire her even more.

In being a friend to her, I recall something I wrote before:

For friendship to develop, the virtue of patience must be at play. Friendship can never be rushed, nor can it run roughshod through course of time. It should take its time in season, like a seed unable to do anything but just wait for its time to bloom.

And in putting God at the center of our relationship, I will quote again a concept God impressed to me more than five years ago:

If I, fully human, am capable of loving a person with so much intensity, how much more intense could the love of God be for me? Then, it is not also right that I love God more intensely than I love that person?

When the socks in my shoes got wet

For the past two days, I've been soaked wet going home. As if by an appointed time, and twice in a row at that, just when I was about to disembark from the bus I was riding at, that the rains begin to pour. And for the past two days, it was a tremendous downpour. I feel as if the heaven's are having fun, like splashing bucketloads of water into people. Ahh, but on a different light, I can see people rhythmically throtting and going in the same direction for a cover. As if choreographed, people would open their umbrellas in a coordinated beat. But if Gene Kelly is a Filipino, would he be caught waddling the flooded streets of Manila in his tuxedo, singing in the rain?

Apparently, there's a typhoon, and his (or is it her) name is MARCE. I wonder how they name typhoon names. I think that in the 1990's PAGASA asked the public for suggestions because prior to it, all typhoon names are female names. And baroque names at that, like those of Bebeng, Undang and Bising.  It's really archaic.

I just love the way meteorologists would describe movements and status of the weather. Here’s one example of the latest weather report about Typhoon Marce:

Issued At: 5:00 p.m., 10 September 2008
Synopsis : At 2:00 p.m. today, Typhoon "MARCE" was located based on radar, satellite
and surface data at 230 kms East of Basco, Batanes (20.3°N 124.2°E) with
maximum sustained winds of 150 kph near the center and gustiness of up to
185 kph. It is forecast to move North Northwest at 07 kph.

It said Marce was “located” as if at one time or another, the typhoon get lost and again found. Like a game of hide and seek? I love the word “gustiness” too. It gives personality to the typhoon. Gusty!

In PAGASA's site, they have an archive of typhoon tracks (or directions) in jpeg format from year 2001 to 2005. On an average for those period, we had 19 typhoons per year. There is also a link for the "Most Destructive Tropical Cyclones" from 1948 to 2000, categorized monthly, with at least two or three of the most destructive typhoons per month. From that period, Typhoon Nitang (31 Aug to 04 Sep. 1984) had the most casualties with 1,492 while Typhoon Ruping (10 to 14 Nov. 1990) did the most damage in the amount of Php 10,276.5M, followed by Typhoon Rosing (30 Oct. - 04 Nov. 1995) at Php 9,330.4M. But I think Milenyo in 2006 was the most violent typhoon I have ever witnessed. Never before have I seen so many trees uprooted and billboards tumbled. I saw a billboard in Magallanes toppled on top of a bus, and even the large “S” sign in SM’s Mall of Asia went down.

Still, I prefer rainy days than the searing heat and the humid air summer brings.

Burgers, fries... and buckets of urine?

As we were waiting before a scheduled meeting inside a client's office in Makati, I grabbed a magazine in their rack nearby. It could be a good time to keep updated about current events. Recently, I have been fascinated with the hoopla surrounding the US presidential nominations. McCain's selection of a female nominee for vice president, who was virtually unknown, aroused different reactions. So I thought it might be interesting to read some news about it. I picked The Economist September 6 Issue and was reading about news and views about the Republican National Convention. I found the following news amusing:

Outside the Republican convention, largely peaceful protesters were marred by a few thugs who smashed windows. More violent disruptions were avoided, however, because police informants infiltrated a gang of anarchists who were allegedly planning them. Police seized weapons and buckets of urine, apparently intended for throwing at people.

Lawyers for some of those arrested demanded the return of their possessions. "Who should we return the urine to?" asked the judge, according to the Star Tribune, a local paper.

I wonder where the world is going to.

On a lighter note, after we had a training in Eastwood this afternoon, I and my officemate Claude went to a popular burger chain for a snack. Her treat. Burgers, fries and soda. As we were chatting, she dissected the burger, separated one halfbun from another, arranged and piled one fry in a column on top of the patty, poured catchup on top of the fries, and put the sandwhich back together again.

Curioused and at the same time amused, i thought i might as well give it a try. Interestingly, except for the crisp whenever i would bite, i could never tell the taste of the french fries apart from the burger.

It made me remember when i was a kid and i didn't like what was prepared on the dining table, I would pour either condensed milk, sugar or powdered chocolate drink (Milo), or whatever sweet is available over hot cooked rice. Somehow, I still do something similar whenever I would eat a bar of chocolate. I get a spoonful of rice to somehow dispel the "oversweetness" of the chocolate. Call it quirky? Claude revealed that she used to put rice in coffee in a bowl.