If you don't write it, it won't happen

There are times when we need to pause and to reflect on our lives, our accomplishments, failures, joys and pains.  I think celebrating birthdays do just that.  And so does new years.  While new years make us think of resolutions, birthdays do more than that.

Today makes me think of blessings.  These are things i acknowledge God has done in my life, in which i know fully well that some of them i don't deserve.  i am blessed with a family that loves and supports the good decisions i make.  i am blessed with a relationship with my girlfriend, and i am excited to move on to a level of relationship with her that involves commitment, for a lifetime.  i am blessed with good friends and acquaintances.  Friends i consider a treasure and so i am sometimes selective of association.

It also makes me think of failures.  These are results of things i have done and decisions i have made, some not necessarily wrong while some not necessarily right either (This does not mean that i don't believe in absolute right and wrong, i do).  Some of this decisions and actions, the result i know i deserve.  But some i firmly believe i don't.  But these are things i know i don't have full control of, and so i consider them lessons to learn and improve on.

What i realized is that i lack vision.  i lack the ability to visuarlize what i want to achieve in the future.  I generally know what i want in life, like a comfortable life, a good family, my own domain.  But i lack vision in the specifics.  What specifically are my goals?  Someone who has a lofty position (incidentally, lofty means that you are prone to fall, eventually) in our organization told me that i should write what i want.  That if i "don't write it, it won't happen."  That statement was a rude awakening for me.  Suddenly, with a single statement (of course coupled with subsequent events that may have magnified it), my whole view of an organization changed.  i usually hear people talk of paradigm shift.  That was a one hundred eighty degree (by the way, a three hundred sixty degree turn leads you to the same direction you were originally facing) shift in my paradigm.

All of a sudden, i realized i am living in a Jurassic period while the herd i am in is quickly moving towards the age of technology, devoid of the human psyche.  And i cannot follow in the same pace.  Whatever happened to values like hardwork, work ethics, perseverance?  "If you don't write it, it won't happen."  I can only exclaim "Wow!!!"  It is as if i am drowsed with a bucket of ice cold water.  I felt numb.  All the years come to nothing because i didn't put into words the things i wanted.  That was specifically my dilemna.  i believe i am quite verbose, but i didn't know what i wanted specifically, so i cannot even draw them out of ink to paper.

What i know is this, that i should no lonber be where i am right now.  I think it is time to move on.  i am again at a crossroads in my life (or that should be in my career, to be more specific). This time i should know what or where i want to be.  And i should put it in writing!