Today makes me think of blessings. These are things i acknowledge God has done in my life, in which i know fully well that some of them i don't deserve. i am blessed with a family that loves and supports the good decisions i make. i am blessed with a relationship with my girlfriend, and i am excited to move on to a level of relationship with her that involves commitment, for a lifetime. i am blessed with good friends and acquaintances. Friends i consider a treasure and so i am sometimes selective of association.
It also makes me think of failures. These are results of things i have done and decisions i have made, some not necessarily wrong while some not necessarily right either (This does not mean that i don't believe in absolute right and wrong, i do). Some of this decisions and actions, the result i know i deserve. But some i firmly believe i don't. But these are things i know i don't have full control of, and so i consider them lessons to learn and improve on.
What i realized is that i lack vision. i lack the ability to visuarlize what i want to achieve in the future. I generally know what i want in life, like a comfortable life, a good family, my own domain. But i lack vision in the specifics. What specifically are my goals? Someone who has a lofty position (incidentally, lofty means that you are prone to fall, eventually) in our organization told me that i should write what i want. That if i "don't write it, it won't happen." That statement was a rude awakening for me. Suddenly, with a single statement (of course coupled with subsequent events that may have magnified it), my whole view of an organization changed. i usually hear people talk of paradigm shift. That was a one hundred eighty degree (by the way, a three hundred sixty degree turn leads you to the same direction you were originally facing) shift in my paradigm.
All of a sudden, i realized i am living in a Jurassic period while the herd i am in is quickly moving towards the age of technology, devoid of the human psyche. And i cannot follow in the same pace. Whatever happened to values like hardwork, work ethics, perseverance? "If you don't write it, it won't happen." I can only exclaim "Wow!!!" It is as if i am drowsed with a bucket of ice cold water. I felt numb. All the years come to nothing because i didn't put into words the things i wanted. That was specifically my dilemna. i believe i am quite verbose, but i didn't know what i wanted specifically, so i cannot even draw them out of ink to paper.
What i know is this, that i should no lonber be where i am right now. I think it is time to move on. i am again at a crossroads in my life (or that should be in my career, to be more specific). This time i should know what or where i want to be. And i should put it in writing!
