Puraran Island, Catanduanes

Creation declares the greatness of God. Nature reflects or displays how awesome His power is.

Sitting in front of the beach in Puraran, I am awed by the vastness of the ocean. Yesterday, as we rode a boat for Gigmoto, I was afraid of the enormous waves that seemed to greet us with ecstacy, like a child excited and eager for the arrival of his dad from the office. One, just one of those countless waves crashing into our path is enough to capsize our boat. The power of those waves even created cave-like entrance to the large rock formations we passed by.

From the beach of Gigmoto, we trekked to a waterfall. The place was simply amazing. Waters were falling from the top of the mountain with such enormous force.

God not only created nature enormous. He also created it beautiful.

Listening to one of the speakers make me drowsy. I need to have coffee. However, attending an orientation in a company where I’m still virtually an alien makes me adamant even to stand up. But I have to stay awake. So I write instead.

Today would have been my last day at TPG. But yesterday, I was informed to attend Bayantel’s orientation for Corporate Business Operations. Upon knowing that, I had to stay late at the office and miss one series on the bible study I have been attending. I had to see that everything is arranged before I leave. That was my last day. I had to write reminders to one of my staff. I had to write my last letter to my boss.

All was not in vain after all. An officemate from another department was left and we ended up talking about life. Life here and what happens next. I ended up sharing to her about my faith and belief and invited her to attend our Thursday cell group. I hope she attends tonight.

Once I had a dream to become a writer. I am again reminded of that dream when a friend mentioned about his vision of becoming an international writer. And I got envy in a sense. I wanted to be like that too. But what should I write about?

Yesterday, I was lent a book by an officemate. It was unusual that I was asked if I could read a book in a day or in one sitting. I said I cannot. She lent me “Tuesdays with Morrie” anyway.

As I read the book during lunch break, I cannot seem to put it down. The introduction took my interest right away. I wanted to finish the book as fast as I can. The appeal was like that of a child very much eager to open a Christmas or birthday present.

I want to write like that. I want to get the interest of the person right away. For them to be drawn to my idea, to my story, like a pied piper for readers.

Perhaps it has something to do with the way Mitch Albom writes. He writes from the heart. Or perhaps it was about the person he wrote, Morrie Schwartz. Whatever it is, it gave me the desire to write about something that would affect the lives of people. To challenge them to think, from the heart. Not that my ideas would be an absolute but that it would make them uncomfortable enough to move them. To draw them out towards their spiritual need. To draw them closer to God if possible. That’s what I want.

In February, I'll be the one to share a testimony about "Intimacy with God."

I just had written the draft, which I have referred mostly to some of the things I wrote in my journal before. This is the draft:

I have accepted Christ to become my Lord and Savior for almost fifteen (15) years now. Since that time, it was probably more of a convenience than a need that I have done that. I had no vices, and I thought I was righteous. I had to believe because it was convenient to. it was the right thing to do.

However, I discovered, only late in my Christian life that I had to love God more than anything else, more than anyone else. And I only realized that when I compared loving God to loving a person.

So I had to experience and imagine myself, being in love with someone. I imagined when I long so much to see that object of my affection. to never miss every opportunity possible to talk with, to spend time with, to discover new things about her that I never knew before. And I never fail to talk about her, and tell others about how I feel. I just cannot help but tell.

And I realized, it is not even worth comparing to the love of God. But imagine, if I, fully human, capable of loving a person with so much intensity, how much more intense could the love of God be for me? Then, it is not also right that I love God more intensely than I love that person?

If I may, allow me to share to you the following ideas I discovered in order to be intimate with God, it is these:

1. Realize that God loves you so much. It has somehow lost its impact as we always hear it in John 3:16. But this thought should not be neglected.

2. Love God more than the way you love a person. It is possible to be "romantically" in love with God.

3. When you love God, desire Him like everyday is the first time you got to know God. More and more, I discover new things about God and about His character.

4. God is a jealous god. I cannot help but put much emphasis on the thought that God is a jealous god. We should desire Him more than anything, more than anyone else.

Do we desire to know God? Gen. 32:26 was mentioned in the single's retreat, when Jacob wrestled with God and he said "I will not let you go unless you bless me."

But before that request, Jacob struggled with God, he wrestled with God. And in that struggle, when he came face to face with Him, and when he would not let go, the socket of his hip was touched so that his hip was wrenched. He eventually ended up limping because of that.

When we desire to know God, and eventually come face to face with Him, we would definitely have to wrestle it out with Him. It would not be an easy encounter but it would definitely be a struggle. Something costly would be required of us and it will not be comfortable. There may even be a time when God will "break" us.

I am not writing this in order to dampen your spirit but the opposite. This is a lesson for me and I end up amazed and tounge-tied affirming "God does require so much." And as a response I am reminded by David's attitude when he said in 2 Samuel 24:24 "I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing." The song (I forgot the title) goes even better:

I will not offer anything that costs me nothing.
I lay before Him
nothing less than my very best.
And if I'm called to sacrifice, it will be
worthy of my Christ.
I will not offer anything that costs me nothing.

A lot of things have been going on through my mind lately, after my boss talked to me last Friday. He will be given a concurrent assignment on top of his current function. We both know this would eventually mean his total commitment to that project, and that I would eventually be replacing him.

It would have been a welcome news for me if I've heard that news four to five years ago. I would have been ecstatic about it. Now, I'm just not.

I don't know what happened. I used to depend on my own abilities. I used to think that I can take on whatever is hurled my way. Now I'm fully aware that my success is not dependent on my own ability because my ability is not of my own. Still, there's a tremendous pressure being put upon me. It is not imposed by anyone else but by my own fear.

I'm afraid that I won't be as good as my boss. That I won't be able to give the expectations of the management. If only I could deny what is being given to me. But I'm not someone who backs out of a challenge. I am afraid but I don't want to be called a coward. I fear that the time is not yet ripe for me. But time is not my own.

What shall I do then but wait?